tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76838075799574970782023-11-15T06:39:04.407-08:00Chapter: NewLeah Haldyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05614838926651673083noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683807579957497078.post-35446430045021576862011-04-04T10:03:00.001-07:002011-04-04T10:03:41.261-07:00Page 2<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">In the past couple of weeks, that “C” word has entered my life more than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once to the good and the other to the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not sure yet</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s strange how one word can have such an effect on a person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Physically and emotionally. You hear it and then immediately your body responds. Even after all these years of healing and finding ways to cope,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find that a headache or that ill feeling in the pit of your stomach can totally take over your body and block good feelings of any type to prevail. But – if you pay attention and really listen, they are there.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">As I was sitting in a room at the hospital the other day with a dear friend waiting to hear test results, my body was in complete array.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of it was scared to death and kicked high into defense mode, while the other was sure that everything would be OK.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The part that was sure was my heart. Even as it was beating a mile a minute waiting to hear the results, I took a few moments and really felt it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I became totally aware of what was going on and how it felt. I got past the adrenaline and I could feel the peace in each beat. Deep within I knew that everything was going to be Ok and that her destiny was to be the amazing wife, mother and friend she is and has been for a long time to come. </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">I’m a firm believer that our thoughts and feelings dictate much of what happens in our lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If we think positive thoughts, positive things will happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s correct, except for one word, “think”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can think all we want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it’s what we feel and what we believe that truly paves our paths. If we honestly believe and feel with every fiber of our being that bad things will happen, they will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But if we think they will, and our hearts say differently and we allow ourselves to become aware of that, good things will happen no matter what. </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">Today, another dear person in my life is undergoing tests as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The results will not be known for a few days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart and prayers are with her continually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My thoughts have given way to the maybe I’m wrong thoughts, and as every human being does, I have switched over to defense mode and am ready to accept the worst and do all I can to help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the worst isn’t always that. Even if the test results come back not so good, I do believe and feel whole heartedly that when it’s all over she will be healed and will be able to spend many, many more years sharing her life and love (and her amazing cookies) with her family and friends. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">So go ahead, think anything you’d like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But please, take those moments, take those deep breaths and pay attention to your heart and those beliefs and feelings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll be glad you did!!</div>Leah Haldyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05614838926651673083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683807579957497078.post-28101987901890417912011-02-11T12:05:00.000-08:002011-02-11T12:05:57.334-08:00Chapter: New, Page 1.I remembered I had written the following during my Composition class in college. So, I dug through my boxes and brought it back. I believe it is the perfect first page. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: center;">SILENT ANGEL</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Excuse me, sir,” I said shyly turning my head, not wanting to make eye contact with this stranger I had nearly plowed over.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“That’s quite alright,” the tall faceless man acknowledged politely.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">Gosh, what a klutz, I thought to myself as I walked to my son’ hospital room. The homey yet sterile environment was still new to me, but as our say there would turn from days into months, the tastefully decorated walls, the odors of medication and disinfectants, and the sounds of joy and despair would become all too familiar.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">When I walked into Joshua’s room, I must have had a peculiar look on my face, one that a five-year-old would easily pick up on.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“What’s wrong, Mommy?” Josh asked with a twinge of concern.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Oh, nothing. I wasn’t paying attention when I walked out of the parents lounge and I ran right into some guy.”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">By the time I had finished my explanation; Josh’s concern had disappeared and was replaced with a touch of excitement.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Did you see the Angel, Mommy?”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">My heart stopped and sank to the bottom of my feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were in this place to save Josh’s life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His only hope, other than a miracle, was a bone marrow transplant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was our second day here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The intense treatment hadn’t started yet and his leukemia was pretty much under control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What the heck is he doing talking about angels?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has known all along that if his leukemia couldn’t be cured, there would be a chance that an angel would come and take him to heaven, but I was nowhere near ready for him to be seeing that angel yet.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“What angel, Honey?” I asked, my voice shaking, trying to cover any hint of fear.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“The angel from Heaven, like we see on T.V.” He wanted so desperately for me to understand.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“No, Josh, I didn’t see anybody.” My voice still shaking.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Well, he was here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I saw him walking in the hall. He waved at me.” Josh argues, as he wrapped his arms around his favorite Ninja Turtle and turned away from me in a huff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m certain he was thinking that Mom doesn’t know anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A typical child thought.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">I decided not to say anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I crawled beside him on the hard, cold, uncomfortable bed. Even though we had brought his favorite blanket and six of his favorite stuffed animals, it was nothing like his bed at home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It lacked the warmth and security of his well broken-in sanctuary.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">As he drifted off to sleep, a rush of reality hit me like a blazing fire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The University of Iowa Hospital’s pediatric bone marrow transplant unit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My baby boy, my first-born, and here he is fighting for his life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why? Where were any of these children here?</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">The tears streamed down my face like raindrops on a windshield. Through the wall of water I noticed a shadow by the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I wiped away my tears, the shadow slowly became a man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was him. The man from the parents lounge incident.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t turn away out of embarrassment now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt no need to do so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked deep into his soft dark eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His shoulder length wavy brown hair outlined a flawless deeply tanned face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though flawless, his face showed signs of age and maybe even a little roughness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was dressed entirely in black.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only distinction was the tiny silver buttons that cascaded down his chest to meet up perfectly with a delicate silver belt buckle.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">This time, he turned his head and said, “Excuse me, Ma’am.”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">I could do nothing but stare at him.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“May I come in?” he asked softly, as if not wanting to disturb Josh, or offend me.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Sure.” I answered in a somewhat intimidated tone.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">After he put on the sterile, white gown and washed his hands (a ritual everyone gets used to if they spend any time on the unit), he walked, with a sense of harmony towards everything in the room, towards Josh’s bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tenderly touching Josh’s check, the stranger gave both of us an angelic smile.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">With that being the ice-breaker, the intimidation soon left me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I climbed off the bed and sat down in the chair nestled between the stranger and the tall awkward IV stand that held the bags and bottles of intravenous nutrition that pumped slowly into my son.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the only form of food his fragile body had been able to tolerate since his chemotherapy began months earlier.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">As I settled into the chair, the stranger grabbed my hand.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone here.” He whispered.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">I turned to look at Josh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not want this stranger to see the fear or pain in my eyes.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">He repeated his words, and added, “The Lord and others are here to share your fears and bear some of them for you.”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">Josh stirred in his sleep, as he turned his face towards us, a sweet smile came over his face.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was almost as if the stranger’s words blanketed him from his own fears.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Do you have faith?” the stranger’s voice no longer at a whisper.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Of course. I have to. I don’t think I couldn’t have made it this far without it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I answered, noticing a calm in my voice that I hadn’t heard for some time.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">After what seemed like hours of conversation and silent communication between the stranger and I, a nurse came in to check the IV pump.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stranger took her presence as a sign to end our time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before he left, he reached out his hand.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“My name is Michael.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Hi, Michael, I’m Leah.”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Goodbye, Leah”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">“Goodbye, Michael.”</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">As he removed the gown and walked out of the room, I watched his every step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His walk still in harmony with everything around him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he was no longer in sight, a sense of sadness came over me, knowing that I would never see him again.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">That sense soon disappeared when I thought of our visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was a light that brightened up my darkness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He filled me with a new feeling of hope and happiness that I thought at this time was impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His words and his totally unselfish concern, helped me realize that no matter what the circumstances, no matter what the outcomes, life is to be lived and loved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was truly an angel.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">I turned towards Josh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I now understood what he meant by “the angel”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only was this stranger a true angel in my life, he was the angel from TV. – Michael Landon.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">When I learned, months after Joshua’s angel did come and take him to heaven, that Michael himself was stricken with cancer, my heart ached.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here had been a man, who gave so much of himself to make my journey easier, and now he was faced with the same fears and pain Josh and I had been.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I prayed and prayed that our conversation would come back to him in his time of need.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;">Neither Joshua nor Michael got the miracle we all prayed for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that tall dark stranger gave me the miracle of renewed faith, and true, honest, heartfelt hope.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="text-align: justify;"><br />
</div>Leah Haldyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05614838926651673083noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7683807579957497078.post-19703872774682332092011-02-11T10:48:00.000-08:002011-02-11T10:48:30.777-08:00Invitation...<div class="MsoNoSpacing">This morning I saw a post on FaceBook that torrentially took me back to a time in my life where the days were nightmares and the nights were never-ending.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1989 my first-born son, Joshua, was diagnosed with JCML. (Juvenile Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia). It was an 8 month battle in which he and we, his family, experienced hell on earth and found ourselves digging deep into the fathoms of anger and hatred, faith and love.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">During the last 21 years, I have traveled down many a road to find my peace and ability to live my life fully without my baby boy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a lot of wrong turns and made many mistakes during that process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do I have regrets?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did. But thank God that through time I was able to realize that regrets are potholes in which we either sink into, leaving us stagnate on our journey, or we find ways to drive right over them, feeling the jolt but not letting it hamper the journey to our next destination.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Anyway, after I sat down, and held onto my love for Joshua with all my might, I had a good cry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cleansing myself once again of the memories of horror and despair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Afterwards, I made a cup of tea and thought of every single blessing I have had and have now in my life. I was overcome with a feeling of joy and happiness as the sorrow dissipated. </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">During this “renewal” I realized that even during those 8 months and beyond, there were many blessings and good things that happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what I have decided to concentrate on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess you could call it another chapter in my healing process (this process is life-long). </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So, with this said, I would like to invite you along. I’ll share with you the good times, the blessings and the revelations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No sadness here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Joshua was a happy, loving child who embraced life. I’m hoping that what I share with you will help each of us do the same.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div>Leah Haldyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05614838926651673083noreply@blogger.com2